Episode 2: Healing the Inner Child - Guilt, Boundaries & the Sacred Act of Self-Love
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Intro:
Welcome to Fires of Alchemy in Conversation, a podcast for people looking to get out of autopilot and to start loving their life again.
I'm Nick, the writer and creator behind the blog, the YouTube channel, and now this audio space.
I created this podcast because sometimes reading a blog just isn't practical. Maybe you're driving or cooking. Maybe you're going through your own version of The Dark Knight of the Soul and you just don't have the energy to read.
So, I wanted to create something you could take with you, something that feels like a campfire conversation at the end of a long day where the masks come off and the real stuff gets said.
Because the truth is, I've been through some really heavy seasons in my life. I've had days where I didn't want to be here and when my sparkle felt like it was gone forever. But through years of inner work, reflection, and spiritual experimentation, I found my way back. Back to joy, to agency, and to a life that feels like mine.
I spent nearly a decade working as a registered nurse, always wanting to help people. But I burned out really hard because the systems in place aren't really built for healing. They're built to keep things barely functioning. And I started to feel like I was just putting on band-aids, and I don't want to be a band-aid anymore.
I wanted to give people real tools, practical ways to make long-lasting changes, to find peace, to feel joy, and to actually live.
I want to challenge the idea that your dreams are unrealistic or that your pain is permanent and you just have to deal with it.
I don't believe that.
I believe transformation is possible and that people can change.
This podcast is stitched together from my own writing, reflections from my tarot readings on YouTube, and the spiritual tools and journaling practices that have helped me remember who I am.
There is a little AI magic helping me bring it to life, but every word is grounded in my own lived experience.
So, wherever you are right now, Welcome to the campsite.
Pull up a stump and let's get started.
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Welcome to Fires of Alchemy and Conversation, a podcast for people looking to get out of autopilot and to start loving their life again. I'm Nick, the writer and creator behind the blog, the YouTube channel, and now this audio space. I created this podcast because sometimes reading a blog just isn't practical. Maybe you're driving or cooking. Maybe you're going through your own version of The Dark Knight of the Soul and you just don't have the energy to read. So, I wanted to create something you could take with you, something that feels like a campfire conversation at the end of a long day where the masks come off and the real stuff gets said. Because the truth is, I've been through some really heavy seasons in my life. I've had days where I didn't want to be here and when my sparkle felt like it was gone forever. But through years of inner work, reflection, and spiritual experimentation, I found my way back. Back to joy, to agency, and to a life that feels like mine. I spent nearly a decade working as a registered nurse, always wanting to help people. But I burned out really hard because the systems in place aren't really built for healing. They're built to keep things barely functioning. And I started to feel like I was just putting on band-aids, and I don't want to be a band-aid anymore. I wanted to give people real tools, practical ways to make long-lasting changes, to find peace, to feel joy, and to actually live. I want to challenge the idea that your dreams are unrealistic or that your pain is permanent and you just have to deal with it. I don't believe that. I believe transformation is possible and that people can change. This podcast is stitched together from my own writing, reflections from my tarot readings on YouTube, and the spiritual tools and journaling practices that have helped me remember who I am. There is a little AI magic helping me bring it to life, but every word is grounded in my own lived experience. So, wherever you are right now, Welcome to the campsite. Pull up a stump and let's get started.
Welcome back. Settle in. Maybe grab a warm drink. Pull up a chair by our metaphorical fireside.
Feels cozy already.
Good. Good. Tonight we're continuing our exploration of self. Uh diving deep into something that I think touches all of us. Healing and integrating your inner child.
Yeah. It's a journey, isn't it? Really into understanding the roots of why we feel feel and act the way we do. Um, bringing presence and well, gentleness to those younger parts of ourselves, still carrying things.
Exactly. Things they were never meant to carry. We've been spending time with source material from firesofty.com looking at posts and chats that really explore themes like that, like the weight we were never meant to carry.
Our mission for this deep dive really is to pull out the practical stuff, ways you can connect with and maybe even, you know, reparent those younger parts of yourselves,
making it real, making it useful.
Yeah, think of this as our second dive together in this series. It's all focused on finding more joy, more ease in your life
and understanding where certain feelings come from is well, it's absolutely key to unlocking that ease, I think.
Okay, let's unpack this then. Let's start with something so many people feel that um that guilt when you try to prioritize yourself like taking a rest, saying no, choosing what you need. Why does that feel so wrong sometimes?
Well, This material points out that guilt often feels like it should be a moral compass. You know, we think, "Oh, I feel guilty. I must have done something bad."
Right? That's the assumption.
But often it's actually um a learned response. It's an old survival mechanism maybe picked up in childhood from family dynamics or just societal expectations. It's conditioning really, not necessarily the truth about what you're doing now.
So, it's like an outdated alarm system going off.
That's a great way to put it. Precisely. I mean, there's healthy guilt, that little nudge if we've genuinely harmed someone and need to to repair things. But then there's this other kind, this toxic guilt.
What's that like?
It's more chronic, kind of vague, and it's often tied up in people pleasing or this deep fear of um not being enough, not being good enough.
And you're saying these patterns often start way back in childhood.
Often, yes. From experiences like, you know, maybe being shamed for showing emotions or feeling like you had to be good to get love or even punished for just expressing your needs. Your brain parts like the amydala, the threat detector, and the hippocampus linking memory and emotion. It stores these things
like blueprints.
Yeah. Emotional scripts, survival blueprints. And as adults, these scripts can just run on autopilot without us even realizing it.
Wow. Survival blueprints. So, okay, what's the cost then? If we keep running those old scripts carrying that um that chronic unearned guilt,
the cost, as these sources really highlight, it's high. Burnout for one, resentment that just builds and build feeling emotionally disconnected from yourself and from others.
Strained relationships, I bet.
Definitely. It basically keeps your nervous system constantly buzzing, like on high alert, convinced you're somehow messing up even when you're just taking care of yourself. That state of sort of vigilance, it becomes the baseline
and that's just exhausting. It's like um your mind is always somewhere else, isn't it? Replaying stuff or worrying about the future even when you're doing simple things.
Exactly. The material mentions that being lost in thought loops even while like chopping vegetables. But it offers such a beautiful perspective on that.
Oh yeah. What's that?
That there's profound medicine in just being present. Mindfulness doesn't have to be some complicated meditation thing. It's feeling the knife in your hand, noticing the smell of the carrots, just being here.
And when the mind drifts, because it will, you just gently guide it back. That act of returning, that's the repair for the nervous system
presence as nervous system repair. I love that. That's powerful. What about those invisible scripts the sources mention. You know the ones like if I rest I'm lazy or if I say no I'm selfish.
Oh, those are classics, aren't they? Classic examples of the deep beliefs that keep us stuck in overgiving. It often comes from a lifetime especially for natural caregivers of feeling like your worth has to be earned somehow
through doing through giving.
Right? The material connects this sometimes to the wounded healer idea. Not that your pain itself makes you worthy, but that going through things can cultivate this incredible depth of compassion,
that paradox and the sources make it really clear. Self- loveve isn't just a feeling floating around. It's a behavior, right? Something you do.
Absolutely. It's practical. It's demonstrated. Getting enough sleep, saying no without feeling you need to write a five paragraph essay explaining why,
right? Or resting before you're completely burnt out.
Exactly. Choosing presence sometimes instead of constantly chasing productivity. Those are the actions. That's self- loveve and action.
It's a doing. Yeah. A choice you make in the moment. it.
Okay, here's something that really clicked for me from the material. The idea that just being back in old environments, like your family home, can instantly make you feel like like a younger version of yourself again.
Oh, it's incredibly common. Psychology has terms for it like state dependent memory or even regression. You find yourself snapping at a sibling like you're 12 or falling into that same old dynamic with a parent.
And afterwards, you're thinking, why did I even do that? Why did I get sucked in?
Because often in those moments, it's not really your adult self running the show. It's that inner child part, the one who maybe never got to speak up back then. The one who had to shrink or wear a mask to feel safe or accepted.
Oh,
that part is finally bursting through. Basically demanding to be seen to be heard to be felt.
Demanding to be seen. Wow. The sources also touch on the shutdown of emotions. There's that really poignant example about being told you were naughty for, you know, just showing feelings as a kid.
Yes. That specific anecdote being told naughty and then praying to turn off some kind of internal naughty switch. It's so powerful. The insight there is crucial.
It wasn't just about stopping a behavior. It actually led to shutting down the emotion itself internally.
Like flicking off a switch inside for something vital.
Exactly. You learn, okay, it's not safe to show this feeling or maybe even feel this feeling. And this can lead down the line to feeling numb or finding it really hard to cry or shows up as anxiety, depression, that kind of thing.
So those aren't personal feelings.
This material reframes them. They're signals. signals from that inner child part who's still holding on to all those suppressed emotions from way back when.
And those coping mechanisms, the things we did to survive childhood, they don't just magically disappear when we turn 18.
Oh, absolutely not. They follow us right into adulthood. And often they're the things quietly causing chaos. Yeah.
You know, self-sabotage, repeating the same unhealthy relationship patterns, maybe being fiercely independent to the point you push everyone away
or just feeling constantly insecure no matter what you achieve. All of those can be echoes. Echoes of early strategies that help you survive then, but they just aren't serving you anymore.
Okay, so those are the echoes. Heavy stuff. What's the medicine then? How do we start moving towards healing these old patterns?
The source materials are really, really clear on this. The inner child part doesn't need fixing. That's not the goal.
Not fixing.
No, what they need is acknowledgement,
witnessing, presence from you, the adult you are now.
So when those old wounds flare up or you feel that reactivity rising, the key is to pause. Just pause and ask, okay, am I reacting from that old fear or can I respond with love right now?
Respond with love.
Yeah, your inner child needs tenderness,
not the same old discipline or judgment they might have gotten before.
Ah, tenderness, not discipline. That feels like a really fundamental shift. A huge difference.
It really is. It's what the material calls gentle reparing. Taking those principles we hear about in gentle parenting empathy, respect, patience, and applying them to ourselves.
Giving ourselves what we maybe didn't get back then.
Exactly. Offering ourselves that presence, that understanding, and sometimes, you know, even just seeing someone else practice gentle parenting can be super triggering.
Oh, I can see that. It brings up what you missed.
Right. It brings up the grief, but the material frames it as an invitation. Okay. Can you offer that same gentleness to yourself now?
And like we said earlier, self- loveve isn't just a fuzzy feeling. It's actively doing that kindness for yourself,
right? And interestingly, it's also about demanding ing more.
Demanding more. Okay, unpack that. That could sound a bit, I don't know, entitled.
I get that. But this material reframes it beautifully. You are absolutely allow. It's okay to demand more respect in your life, more rest, more genuine presence from people, more actual effort in your relationships.
If you find you're always the one giving, always pouring out, and very little is coming back, the sources suggest, well, that might not be love. That might be extraction. Extraction. That's a strong word.
It is. And learning to receive, really receive kindness, help, love. That's an active choice, too.
You get to decide mindfully, consciously, what you will no longer accept, what drains you.
That distinction between love and extraction is really powerful. And tied into that is releasing the guilt, right? It's not selfish.
This material calls it sacred. Releasing guilt is sacred, not selfish. Because that guilt isn't always proof you did something wrong. Often, It's just your nervous system running that old program asking, "Are you sure it's safe to choose yourself? Are you sure this is okay?"
And the answer you can give it.
Yes,
it is.
Yes, it is. I like that. Simple. A quiet mantra maybe. Okay. So, for those days when you are feeling really low, when things are tough, the sources offer some really practical tools, don't they? Things you can actually do.
They do concrete steps for what they call the dark days. First off, release the guilt about feeling low in the first place. You're not going back. wards. You're not regressing. You're a human having a human experience. It's okay.
That permission is huge. Okay. What else?
Second, conserve your energy. Seriously, take a sick day if you need it. Cancel the plans. Go home early. You don't owe the world energy you don't have when you're hurting. Resting is a win. Don't underestimate it.
Resting is a win. I need to write that down. That's a big one. It really is.
Third.
Third, turn towards the inner child part that's hurting inside. Offer comfort. Do simple things you might have loved or craved as a kid. Eat your favorite childhood treat. Watch a comforting old movie, doodle, play, just daydream for a bit.
Simple acts of kindness directed inwards to that younger part.
Exactly. And fourth, let yourself cry if tears come. Yeah. Don't fight it. This material touches on the science behind it, too.
Oh, the science of crying.
Yeah. Crying actually releases oxytocin and endorphins. Those are like natural painkillers. It helps calm your nervous system down, regulates stress hormones, and literally flushes emotional tension out of your body. Here's a proof your system is trying to heal itself.
Wow. That completely reframes crying not as weakness but as a biological healing process.
Okay. And after you process some emotion, maybe have a cry. The sources suggest moving your body gently.
Yes. Just a gentle shake. Maybe jump up and down a little. Any simple movement. It's like signaling to your nervous system, okay, we felt that, we processed that and now we're safe again. We can move.
Right. Signaling safety.
And then doing something kind for yourself right after getting that treat. Taking that gentle walk. It builds trust. Trust between you, the adult, and that inner child part. It's literally reparing happening in real time.
Reparenting in real time. I love that frame. Okay. How do we take these ideas and integrate them even more deeply, make them part of our, you know, inner landscape.
This is where the sources get into some really fascinating concepts from psychology, ways to work with your inner world. One really powerful tool they mention is visualization,
like guided meditation,
sort of. But it's based on this incredible connection between your brain and body. Sometimes it's called functional equivalence. Basically, what you vividly imagine can create a real emotional and physiological response in your body. Almost like it's actually happening.
So, if I imagine feeling safe, my body can actually start to feel safer.
Exactly. It's not about pretending the past didn't happen, but it's about introducing a new positive presence, you, the compassionate adult you are now, into those old internal spaces. The sources share this lovely Coming home visualization exercise.
Tell me about that.
It involves picturing your childhood home, maybe seeing your younger self there, and then approaching them really gently, offering a smile, maybe your hand, just sitting beside them.
And the key is just being there, not trying to fix anything.
Yes, that's crucial. Just being present.
Maybe saying something simple like, "I see you. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." You could share something cool about your life now. Just let them know you turned out okay. Hey, maybe tell them you're proud of them for getting through whatever they went through.
Wow.
And then saying goodbye with love, maybe a hug, promising you'll visit again in your mind. It might bring up a lot of feelings doing this, but it's presented as this really potent doorway to connection and healing.
A doorway, it's about acknowledging they're still part of you. The sources also bring in ideas from things like schema therapy, right?
Schema therapy. It focuses on identifying what it calls core schemas. You can think of these as these really fundamental deeprooted beliefs about yourself, others, and the world. They usually get formed in childhood based on unmet needs or difficult experiences,
and they run our lives.
Well, this material describes them as being like these deeply ingrained algorithms that shape how you perceive everything, how you react. Things like, I'm fundamentally flawed, or I'll always be abandoned or I have to perform to be loved,
like hidden code running in the background dictating everything.
That's a really good way to think about it. Yeah.
But the key thing schemotherapy offers and the sources highlight this is awareness. Just becoming aware of the algorithm is the absolute first step to maybe possibly reprogramming it. Once you see it, you have a choice about whether you keep running that program.
That makes sense. Awareness first. And then there's internal family systems, IFS, which talks about parts.
Yes, IFS. It offers this view of the psyche, not as just one single me, but as a system of different parts. And here's the really radical compassionate idea. Even the parts that cause you trouble, the part that procrastinates, the inner critic that beats you up, the people pleaser, they aren't your enemies.
They're not bad.
They're often trying in their own sometimes misguided way to protect you based on those old survival blueprints we talked about. They just have outdated job descriptions, maybe. Oh,
okay. Outdated jobs.
Exactly. So, IFS, as the sources describe it, invites these parts forward, not to be judged or banished, but to actually be heard, to understand their fears. their intentions. This allows your core self, that calm, curious, compassionate center the material talks about, to step forward and lead the whole inner system with wisdom.
And the sources kind of weave these ideas together into this metaphor of building your inner council.
It's such a wonderful metaphor, isn't it? Imagine this round table inside you. And different aspects of yourself, different archetypes are invited to have a seat there.
Like who?
Well, the sources give examples. Maybe there's the logical analyst part, the intuitive oracle part, perhaps even the chaotic trick. extra energy, your deeper soul wisdom, that playful or sometimes reactive inner child, and definitely the body with all its somatic intelligence. The point is all these voices have wisdom. They all deserve a seat and deserve to be heard by that compassionate self.
And they share that really striking story, the dream about the raggedy dog.
Yes, the raggedy dream. It's such a beautiful illustration of meeting a neglected shadow part, a part you might judge or push away, but meeting it with compassion instead, inviting it to the council, giving it a voice. understanding its needs. This inner council isn't fixed. It evolves as you do this work, as you heal.
And the goal always is integration, helping these parts find new, healthier roles, all guided by that core self.
Exactly. Realizing that the self isn't just another part fighting for control, but it's the spacious, calm awareness where all the parts, even the difficult ones, can finally feel welcome and understood.
Okay. So, bringing all of this together now, winding down our fireside chat, what's the most important takeaway message? from all this material for someone listening right now.
I think it comes down to this. You are not here on this earth to earn love through sheer exhaustion. You're not here to prove your worthiness by being endlessly productive. That inner voice, the one that whispers not enough, the one pushing you to do more, be better, sacrifice yourself. So often that's just that old guilt wearing a mask.
Guilt masking itself as service or duty,
right? And you are not the darkness you might sometimes walk through. You are the light that is moving. moving through it. True service, genuine contribution, it flows from a place of presence, from fullness, not from obligation or depletion. That guilt so often it's just old conditioning talking.
And releasing that guilt, it's sacred, not selfish. It's like claiming your fundamental right to exist, to take up space, to have needs.
It is permission, deep permission. Permission to say no without feeling consumed by shame afterwards. Permission to rest without needing a doctor's note or an elaborate excuse. Permission to gently, firmly reclaim your energy. in your life from those old emotional contracts you never actually consciously agreed to sign.
And this work, this inner work, it also connects back to our relationships, doesn't it? The material suggests that to have those really meaningful connections, to feel truly seen by others, you first have to be willing to let yourself be seen.
Yes, absolutely. It requires making choices, sometimes scary choices, like letting go of the version of yourself that felt safer staying hidden or playing small. If you find yourself really craving deeper connection, more intimacy in your friendships or relationships, it might be worth looking at. Well, how are you showing up?
Are you holding back?
Yeah, we hold ourselves back because of that old fear, that fear of being judged or rejected if people see the real us. But sometimes the material suggests you just have to be brave enough to run head first into that fear.
Run head first into it. Wow. Okay. As you, our listener, go about your week. Maybe you're driving, maybe doing chores, maybe just sitting quietly, the sources offer some really powerful questions to ref reflect on. Think of them as journaling prompts or just things to kind of sit with.
Yeah, good prompts. First one, what is one thing you felt guilty about recently? And when you really look at it honestly, was that feeling based on your truth or was it based on someone else's expectation or rule?
Good question. Okay. Second, think back. What age was your inner child when they might have needed love, understanding, support the most? What was happening back then? And knowing what you know now as the adult, what would you want to say to that younger for you.
Third, what gray dots, you know, those labels or judgments like in the you are special story or the sources reference, what dots are you still carrying around that were truly never yours to begin with? Someone else put them there?
Letting go of borrowed burdens. Fourth, what part of yourself, maybe your creativity, your voice, your sensitivity, what part do you feel you had to shut down or hide away in order to be accepted or to feel good enough back then?
And finally, a powerful one. If you could gently rewrite just one piece of that internal story, just one of those old schemas or beliefs today, what would the new narrative, the new, more empowering truth be for you?
Those are beautiful, deep questions to explore. This material really reminds us, doesn't it? You simply do not have to carry what was never yours to carry in the first place.
We are all truly in this process together, unlearning this old conditioning. It happens one boundary at a time, one moment of choosing rest, one small act of self-kindness, it adds up.
Thank you so much for joining us for this deep dive. It's a really topic I think to finding more peace and presence in life. I truly hope these insights from the source material offer you a gentle starting point or maybe the next step for connecting with those younger parts of yourself with immense tenderness.
Yeah, real tenderness.
As we wrap up our time by the fire tonight, here is one last thought for you to carry with you just to ponder. Consider what it would genuinely feel like right down in your bones to truly believe that you were never broken, never fundamentally wrong, and that you've always always held the parent permission to reclaim your energy and your worth.
Be very gentle with yourselves as you explore this inner space. It takes courage.
It does. This has been the deep dive, episode two in our series, Exploring Self. Thank you so much for listening.
This is not a podcast about perfection or quick fixes. It’s a space for deep remembering: that you were never broken, and that reclaiming your energy isn’t selfish—it’s sacred.
In this tender, reflective fireside conversation, we dive into the psychology and soul work of inner child healing—exploring themes like emotional shutdown, chronic guilt, people-pleasing, and the invisible scripts we inherit from childhood. You’ll learn how guilt can disguise itself as duty, how inner reactivity often comes from a younger version of you, and how to begin the sacred process of reparenting yourself with compassion and presence.
What if the guilt you carry isn’t yours? What if the part of you that people-pleases, overworks, or shuts down emotions is actually a younger part still trying to feel safe?
We unpack the science of crying, the power of visualisation, and tools like schema therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS). You’ll also meet the concept of the “Inner Council”—an evolving group of archetypes inside you—and discover how to build real intimacy with yourself.
